Three Years
By Dr. Brown
The three year old is a very happy, friendly, carefree, and imaginative child. Everything is just magical and fun! That’s because the world revolves around her! Developmental psychologists call this “egocentrism”. Try to start a new conversation or change the topic, and she’ll come right back to what she was talking about. Children this age like to make simple choices and make choices for their parents too! Now that her speech has progressed, be prepared for her to negotiate almost everything. Because of this egocentrism, it’s still hard for the three year old to share, but you’ll see her loosen up with time.
The three year old is very busy. Motor activity is frequently focused on modifying the environment. - she’ll set up play houses, cribs for her doll, pretend kitchens, rearranging mom’s shelves, etc. However, the three year old can be very quiet and focused when she is engaged in her make believe world. Three year olds become very involved in “scripted” scenes such as playing house or having a tea party.
She can now begin to participate in the mainstream of family routines. Get her involved, but don’t expect much production out of her! Not only is her focus still relatively short, she can easily be distracted and move on to something more interesting (remember – egocentrism!).
Your three year old will begin to show awareness of gender differences. She will be proud to announce that “I’m a girl”, “mommy is a girl”, and “daddy is a boy”. These distinctions are pretty primitive as she may be confused when seeing a man with long hair or a woman with short hair.
Emotions can still be very labile, especially when this egocentric one doesn’t get her way. On the flip side, the three year old can be extremely cute and loving!
Go to the section "Child Development" on our website to get more info.
DEVELOPMENTAL PLAY
Social play continues to evolve at this time. Play is more cooperative. Many children get involved in formal playgroups or preschool.
To encourage autonomy, control, and to prevent conflicts with your child, try to give choices to the three year old. However, make sure that the potential choices are ok with you. For example, if it’s very cold outside and you need your daughter to wear pants instead of a dress, ask her “do you want to wear the red pants or the blue pants?” The hidden message here is that you’re wearing pants, a dress is not a choice, so choose your pants! As noted above, three year olds can become very good negotiators!
The three year old’s memory is just amazing! Encourage and promote memory by having your child “help you” remember the things you need to get at the store.
Three year olds are very observant and begin to become aware of routines, rituals, and “rules” in society. They announce “go” to daddy when they seen the traffic light turn green. Bring some of these “rules” to your child’s attention when you can. With that in mind, children at this age may begin to like to play simple board games like “Candyland” to practice theses rules and routines. Board games are also a great way to practice “turn-taking”.
Continue to read to your child. Be sure to expound on what you see in the book, don’t just read the words. Your child should begin to anticipate things in the familiar books – so challenge him. Once your child is familiar – or even in a new book, you might be able to ask him “what’s going to happen next?” Make the book relative - if there is a dog in the book you are reading, stop and say something like “it’s a big doggie like grandma’s dog Rover”. Reading and Learning specialists call this dialogic (as in dialogue not monologue) reading. Dialogic reading has been shown to vastly improve a child’s verbal abilities. It’s better to talk about things you are engaged in at the time to help your child’s learning rather than abstract objects or topics your child isn’t interested in at the time. Remember, your role is not to push words into your child’s ears, your role is to notice what your child is showing an interest in and responding accordingly.
Perhaps the most important advice I can give to you and your child’s play is to PLAY THE WAY YOUR CHILD WANTS TO PLAY. All too often, with good intention, we parents want to direct a child’s play to show them the right way, teach them, whatever. However, good intention doesn’t necessarily yield good results. Developmental specialists strongly suggest “following your child’s lead”. Don’t worry about finishing that book you’re reading if your child wants to go off on a tangent to discuss something that is in the book. However, your child’s attention span should begin to increase – work on this by “re-directing” him when appropriate.
Children still like to manipulate objects, but there’s a lot more purpose to it. Imaginative play – feeding a doll, pretend kitchen, driving a bus, putting out a fire, are really wonderful skills for three year olds. Your child’s fine motor coordination gets better at this time. Coloring “on” a picture (not necessarily between the lines) is a great way to sharpen her skills. Many children start practicing using scissors to cut paper and (watch out!) other things – her hair, strings, clothing, etc!
If your child seems prefer his left hand, allow them to use their preferred hand, don’t stifle his natural tendencies. There are lots of advantages to being a left-hander (about 10% of the population). Having a left-hander requires some understanding and patience. There are also special tools and accommodations especially for left-handers. I strongly suggest looking at a book on left-handers for children. I have a good one listed in the “Recommended Books” section of the web site.
Art projects and self-expression are wonderful for three year olds. Paints, crayons, markers, play-doh, large Legos, and other materials are great to work with. Be sure to comment, but not generically, about your child’s achievements: “I see lots of red lines, and here are some blue circles” “that’s a big house you made”.
Your child may become good at pedaling a tricycle at age three. Children love to practice this new-found mobility, and pedaling a tricycle is a great way to practice coordination skills. Balancing on one leg and eventually hopping on one leg are great “coordination” type skills to work with as well. Lot of gross motor activities can be practiced at the park.
A note about toys: don't have too many toys out at once. Just keep a few toys out and rotate in new ones every once in a while. Don't overwhelm your child; let him master things one or two (or three) at a time without extra distractions.
FEEDING / NUTRITION
Children should still try to maintain balance and eat from the four food groups. You can look on the Nutrition section of our website or visit www.mypyramid.gov for more info. It’s generally recommended to have at least two servings of low fat skim milk (16 ozs) per day to provide adequate calcium intake.
For specific recommendations on what to eat, how much, what food groups, etc, go to the USDA's site for the children's food pyramid and go to "Interactive Tools" > "My Pyramid Plan". Once you are in this site, you may also want to check out the section "Specific Audiences" to find your child's estimated caloric intake, sample meal plans, snack ideas, etc. This site can be found at:
http://www.mypyramid.gov/mypyramid/index.aspx
SLEEP
Many three year olds have dropped out their nap by now, but its certainly ok to have him continue to take that nap. Although sleep requirements vary, nine to twelve hours of sleep is pretty usual in a twenty-four hour period.
Night-time fears can really become a nuisance. You should probably not refute your child’s fear. Instead, listen and acknowledge the concern, then proceed to demonstrate that there are no monsters under the bed. After enough of this, hopefully, your child will understand. Not acknowledging or showing concern about the fear will probably only make it worse for your child.
SELF-HELP SKILLS
Allow your child to attempt to dress / undress themselves, open things, or at least assist you with these duties. It’s a time killer, but pays off in the end and provides other benefits like a “can-do” attitude. Allowing a child to build self esteem and a “can-do” sense is very beneficial. You want your child to try and tackle new challenges, right?
A cautious word about praise: Sure, praise is good, but too much can lead your child down a dangerous path (more about this later – or see the book “Nurture Shock” in our recommended book section). When you praise your child, make sure to praise the “effort” or the “initiative”. Be specific: “you helped mommy carry all those cans – what a good girl”.
Many children have already finished or are in the middle of toilet training. However, don’t despair if he’s not already trained or shows very little interest. Fortunately, most children who “postpone” toilet training, tend to do it very quickly, once they’ve made up their mind to go ahead and do it. Don’t expect your child to be dry at night for at least a year.
SAFETY
As usual, watch out for choking and poisonings. Children at this age are learning to open and close bottles - which opens a bigger array of possible poisonings. Poison Control telephone number is: 1-800/222-1222.
Children of this age watch those around them, and may try to mimic adult behavior, trying to manipulate things like sharp kitchen utensils, electrical devices, etc.
Kids are still pretty reckless at this age. Watch out for objects that they may climb on and tip over. Your child may pull a chair over to climb on to get at something higher. Almost nothing is off limits!
*Now that your child is more mobile and off on his own at the park, friend's house, backyard, etc., parents have to begin to prepare their child for the potential hazards out there: strangers, abduction, etc. "The Safe Child Book" by Sherryll Krazier Ph.D. (see Recommended Books - Safety on our website) is a great book to read at this time. This is certainly not a nice topic to have to think about, but please be informed and proactive for your child's good!
COMMON PROBLEMS
Picky Appetite
Although the three-year old’s appetite isn’t usually a huge problem, be sure to try to maintain balance. Give a vitamin if you are worried.
Temper Tantrums / Conflict
Children can express their wishes pretty well at this age. When parents don’t acquiesce, temper tantrums can erupt. This may be a good time to utilize the “Time-Out” technique, depending on your parenting philosophy. See “Recommended Books – Discipline” on our website for several different books on “discipline”. Choose the book that seems to best fit with your tendency.
Conflicts With Friends / Not Sharing
Don’t expect your child to share, but only practice will help him to learn sharing. If there’s an understanding friend and child that can help you work through this, that’s great. If your son doesn’t want to share his fire truck, put it away if you are having playgroup that day.
Sleep Disturbances
Anxiousness, monsters, “the dark”, and just not wanting to give up for the day – are all common reasons for children to refuse going to sleep. Try to be consistent with your message and your routine.
WHAT TO EXPECT
Doctors Office Visits
Doctors office visits may get easier, depending on your child’s temperament. Some begin to like the doctor, just as they find interest in the fireman, policeman, waitress, etc.
Language
Stuttering may occur at this age; look on our website “Stuttering” for information and what to look out for if your child continues to stutter.
Social
More and more cooperative play will occur. Allow children to play on their own to learn how to watch, take cues, interact and “negotiate” with others. Playing with others will get him to experience and learn the "give and take" of social relationships.
Use the term “turn” as in turn-taking. Mom and dad should also incorporate the word “turn” in their conversations with each other so that the child can hear and see that the whole world has to take turns!
Remember: PLAY THE WAY YOUR CHILD WANTS TO PLAY!!!!!
VISION
You should print out vision charts and play a “seeing game” with your child. Go to the “Staying Healthy” section of our website – “vision screening” to print out the charts and for instructions. Play the game seeing if mommy and daddy can “do a good job” at seeing the letters/symbols.
Whenever you can think of it, try this test to see if your child's vision seems to be equal from both eyes:
When she's looking intently at an object, cover one eye with your hand, then cover the other. What you're doing is checking to see if she protests consistently. For example, if your child has a "weak" right eye, she'll probably allow you to cover that eye because she can still see well from the left eye. If you now cover her left or "good" eye, she may protest or push your hand away because things may appear blurry out of the right or "weak" eye. It's very likely that she'll protest whenever you do either eye, but if she consistently allows you to cover one eye and not the other, there may be a problem.
DENTAL
You or your child should be brushing her teeth. You can now use a pea-sized bit of regular fluoridated toothpaste, as your child will get pretty good at spitting it back into the sink. If your child drinks water, its best to have it supplemented with fluoride.
Your child should visit a dentist by this time. Pediatric dentists are specially trained for kid's problems and have the patience and "tricks" to get a child to cooperate.
AUTISM
If you have any concerns, please see our website section "Special Topics" -Autism. There is a checklist on our website under the Autism Section.
The three year old is a very happy, friendly, carefree, and imaginative child. Everything is just magical and fun! That’s because the world revolves around her! Developmental psychologists call this “egocentrism”. Try to start a new conversation or change the topic, and she’ll come right back to what she was talking about. Children this age like to make simple choices and make choices for their parents too! Now that her speech has progressed, be prepared for her to negotiate almost everything. Because of this egocentrism, it’s still hard for the three year old to share, but you’ll see her loosen up with time.
The three year old is very busy. Motor activity is frequently focused on modifying the environment. - she’ll set up play houses, cribs for her doll, pretend kitchens, rearranging mom’s shelves, etc. However, the three year old can be very quiet and focused when she is engaged in her make believe world. Three year olds become very involved in “scripted” scenes such as playing house or having a tea party.
She can now begin to participate in the mainstream of family routines. Get her involved, but don’t expect much production out of her! Not only is her focus still relatively short, she can easily be distracted and move on to something more interesting (remember – egocentrism!).
Your three year old will begin to show awareness of gender differences. She will be proud to announce that “I’m a girl”, “mommy is a girl”, and “daddy is a boy”. These distinctions are pretty primitive as she may be confused when seeing a man with long hair or a woman with short hair.
Emotions can still be very labile, especially when this egocentric one doesn’t get her way. On the flip side, the three year old can be extremely cute and loving!
Go to the section "Child Development" on our website to get more info.
DEVELOPMENTAL PLAY
Social play continues to evolve at this time. Play is more cooperative. Many children get involved in formal playgroups or preschool.
To encourage autonomy, control, and to prevent conflicts with your child, try to give choices to the three year old. However, make sure that the potential choices are ok with you. For example, if it’s very cold outside and you need your daughter to wear pants instead of a dress, ask her “do you want to wear the red pants or the blue pants?” The hidden message here is that you’re wearing pants, a dress is not a choice, so choose your pants! As noted above, three year olds can become very good negotiators!
The three year old’s memory is just amazing! Encourage and promote memory by having your child “help you” remember the things you need to get at the store.
Three year olds are very observant and begin to become aware of routines, rituals, and “rules” in society. They announce “go” to daddy when they seen the traffic light turn green. Bring some of these “rules” to your child’s attention when you can. With that in mind, children at this age may begin to like to play simple board games like “Candyland” to practice theses rules and routines. Board games are also a great way to practice “turn-taking”.
Continue to read to your child. Be sure to expound on what you see in the book, don’t just read the words. Your child should begin to anticipate things in the familiar books – so challenge him. Once your child is familiar – or even in a new book, you might be able to ask him “what’s going to happen next?” Make the book relative - if there is a dog in the book you are reading, stop and say something like “it’s a big doggie like grandma’s dog Rover”. Reading and Learning specialists call this dialogic (as in dialogue not monologue) reading. Dialogic reading has been shown to vastly improve a child’s verbal abilities. It’s better to talk about things you are engaged in at the time to help your child’s learning rather than abstract objects or topics your child isn’t interested in at the time. Remember, your role is not to push words into your child’s ears, your role is to notice what your child is showing an interest in and responding accordingly.
Perhaps the most important advice I can give to you and your child’s play is to PLAY THE WAY YOUR CHILD WANTS TO PLAY. All too often, with good intention, we parents want to direct a child’s play to show them the right way, teach them, whatever. However, good intention doesn’t necessarily yield good results. Developmental specialists strongly suggest “following your child’s lead”. Don’t worry about finishing that book you’re reading if your child wants to go off on a tangent to discuss something that is in the book. However, your child’s attention span should begin to increase – work on this by “re-directing” him when appropriate.
Children still like to manipulate objects, but there’s a lot more purpose to it. Imaginative play – feeding a doll, pretend kitchen, driving a bus, putting out a fire, are really wonderful skills for three year olds. Your child’s fine motor coordination gets better at this time. Coloring “on” a picture (not necessarily between the lines) is a great way to sharpen her skills. Many children start practicing using scissors to cut paper and (watch out!) other things – her hair, strings, clothing, etc!
If your child seems prefer his left hand, allow them to use their preferred hand, don’t stifle his natural tendencies. There are lots of advantages to being a left-hander (about 10% of the population). Having a left-hander requires some understanding and patience. There are also special tools and accommodations especially for left-handers. I strongly suggest looking at a book on left-handers for children. I have a good one listed in the “Recommended Books” section of the web site.
Art projects and self-expression are wonderful for three year olds. Paints, crayons, markers, play-doh, large Legos, and other materials are great to work with. Be sure to comment, but not generically, about your child’s achievements: “I see lots of red lines, and here are some blue circles” “that’s a big house you made”.
Your child may become good at pedaling a tricycle at age three. Children love to practice this new-found mobility, and pedaling a tricycle is a great way to practice coordination skills. Balancing on one leg and eventually hopping on one leg are great “coordination” type skills to work with as well. Lot of gross motor activities can be practiced at the park.
A note about toys: don't have too many toys out at once. Just keep a few toys out and rotate in new ones every once in a while. Don't overwhelm your child; let him master things one or two (or three) at a time without extra distractions.
FEEDING / NUTRITION
Children should still try to maintain balance and eat from the four food groups. You can look on the Nutrition section of our website or visit www.mypyramid.gov for more info. It’s generally recommended to have at least two servings of low fat skim milk (16 ozs) per day to provide adequate calcium intake.
For specific recommendations on what to eat, how much, what food groups, etc, go to the USDA's site for the children's food pyramid and go to "Interactive Tools" > "My Pyramid Plan". Once you are in this site, you may also want to check out the section "Specific Audiences" to find your child's estimated caloric intake, sample meal plans, snack ideas, etc. This site can be found at:
http://www.mypyramid.gov/mypyramid/index.aspx
SLEEP
Many three year olds have dropped out their nap by now, but its certainly ok to have him continue to take that nap. Although sleep requirements vary, nine to twelve hours of sleep is pretty usual in a twenty-four hour period.
Night-time fears can really become a nuisance. You should probably not refute your child’s fear. Instead, listen and acknowledge the concern, then proceed to demonstrate that there are no monsters under the bed. After enough of this, hopefully, your child will understand. Not acknowledging or showing concern about the fear will probably only make it worse for your child.
SELF-HELP SKILLS
Allow your child to attempt to dress / undress themselves, open things, or at least assist you with these duties. It’s a time killer, but pays off in the end and provides other benefits like a “can-do” attitude. Allowing a child to build self esteem and a “can-do” sense is very beneficial. You want your child to try and tackle new challenges, right?
A cautious word about praise: Sure, praise is good, but too much can lead your child down a dangerous path (more about this later – or see the book “Nurture Shock” in our recommended book section). When you praise your child, make sure to praise the “effort” or the “initiative”. Be specific: “you helped mommy carry all those cans – what a good girl”.
Many children have already finished or are in the middle of toilet training. However, don’t despair if he’s not already trained or shows very little interest. Fortunately, most children who “postpone” toilet training, tend to do it very quickly, once they’ve made up their mind to go ahead and do it. Don’t expect your child to be dry at night for at least a year.
SAFETY
As usual, watch out for choking and poisonings. Children at this age are learning to open and close bottles - which opens a bigger array of possible poisonings. Poison Control telephone number is: 1-800/222-1222.
Children of this age watch those around them, and may try to mimic adult behavior, trying to manipulate things like sharp kitchen utensils, electrical devices, etc.
Kids are still pretty reckless at this age. Watch out for objects that they may climb on and tip over. Your child may pull a chair over to climb on to get at something higher. Almost nothing is off limits!
*Now that your child is more mobile and off on his own at the park, friend's house, backyard, etc., parents have to begin to prepare their child for the potential hazards out there: strangers, abduction, etc. "The Safe Child Book" by Sherryll Krazier Ph.D. (see Recommended Books - Safety on our website) is a great book to read at this time. This is certainly not a nice topic to have to think about, but please be informed and proactive for your child's good!
COMMON PROBLEMS
Picky Appetite
Although the three-year old’s appetite isn’t usually a huge problem, be sure to try to maintain balance. Give a vitamin if you are worried.
Temper Tantrums / Conflict
Children can express their wishes pretty well at this age. When parents don’t acquiesce, temper tantrums can erupt. This may be a good time to utilize the “Time-Out” technique, depending on your parenting philosophy. See “Recommended Books – Discipline” on our website for several different books on “discipline”. Choose the book that seems to best fit with your tendency.
Conflicts With Friends / Not Sharing
Don’t expect your child to share, but only practice will help him to learn sharing. If there’s an understanding friend and child that can help you work through this, that’s great. If your son doesn’t want to share his fire truck, put it away if you are having playgroup that day.
Sleep Disturbances
Anxiousness, monsters, “the dark”, and just not wanting to give up for the day – are all common reasons for children to refuse going to sleep. Try to be consistent with your message and your routine.
WHAT TO EXPECT
Doctors Office Visits
Doctors office visits may get easier, depending on your child’s temperament. Some begin to like the doctor, just as they find interest in the fireman, policeman, waitress, etc.
Language
Stuttering may occur at this age; look on our website “Stuttering” for information and what to look out for if your child continues to stutter.
Social
More and more cooperative play will occur. Allow children to play on their own to learn how to watch, take cues, interact and “negotiate” with others. Playing with others will get him to experience and learn the "give and take" of social relationships.
Use the term “turn” as in turn-taking. Mom and dad should also incorporate the word “turn” in their conversations with each other so that the child can hear and see that the whole world has to take turns!
Remember: PLAY THE WAY YOUR CHILD WANTS TO PLAY!!!!!
VISION
You should print out vision charts and play a “seeing game” with your child. Go to the “Staying Healthy” section of our website – “vision screening” to print out the charts and for instructions. Play the game seeing if mommy and daddy can “do a good job” at seeing the letters/symbols.
Whenever you can think of it, try this test to see if your child's vision seems to be equal from both eyes:
When she's looking intently at an object, cover one eye with your hand, then cover the other. What you're doing is checking to see if she protests consistently. For example, if your child has a "weak" right eye, she'll probably allow you to cover that eye because she can still see well from the left eye. If you now cover her left or "good" eye, she may protest or push your hand away because things may appear blurry out of the right or "weak" eye. It's very likely that she'll protest whenever you do either eye, but if she consistently allows you to cover one eye and not the other, there may be a problem.
DENTAL
You or your child should be brushing her teeth. You can now use a pea-sized bit of regular fluoridated toothpaste, as your child will get pretty good at spitting it back into the sink. If your child drinks water, its best to have it supplemented with fluoride.
Your child should visit a dentist by this time. Pediatric dentists are specially trained for kid's problems and have the patience and "tricks" to get a child to cooperate.
AUTISM
If you have any concerns, please see our website section "Special Topics" -Autism. There is a checklist on our website under the Autism Section.