Consistency/Discipline
By Dr. Brown
Daily routine
Most children benefit greatly from a consistent schedule for their day. Pay attention to your child’s schedule that works well and repeat that. If your child takes three naps per day and is in a good mood until bedtime, that is a good day. Repeat that. Try to be home for naps and bedtime. This is tricky when they are only up for one hour but most days you can do this. When you miss naps or they nap briefly in the car or in a stroller they may let you know by being crabby or having disturbed sleep at night. Some babies are so rigid in personality that they will be off in terms of their personality for two days after missing just a single nap. Others will be flexible and not mind what seems like constant interruptions in their sleep times. Generally, when they sleep well during the day they also will sleep better during the night. Some parents will try to get their youngster to sleep better at night by not letting them sleep in the day. This usually backfires badly. So, pay attention to the nap routine. This is especially true for vacations.
Language used by parents
Beginning at around nine months children begin to understand and around a year they may repeat those words. Receptive language begins before expressive language.
Be consistent with the words that you say and the body language you use. Winking and smiling when you are trying to discipline your child is counterproductive. Change the look on your face and the way you stand or sit to match the words coming out of your mouth. Even when they are being funny it is important to remain straight-faced when disciplining our child. The term "congruency" describe the consistency used between the words used with the body language used at the same time.
Have mom’s and dad’s and babysitter’s and grandparents’ use of words and body language be consistent for all is also important.
Modeling
The way you model behavior is very important. “What you see is what you get”. How you treat the meter lady who is writing you a ticket when you were late to pay the meter they see too. If it is okay for you to be disrespectful, it will be just fine for them too. NOT! When they see you later, as an older child, volunteering for the soup kitchen or organizations that help others, they see that too and are more likely to do the same as an adult. Be part of solving the problem by modeling good behavior yourself. You can model how to disagree without being disagreeable. You can model being respectful of other’s thoughts and behaviors even if you disagree. You can model how to argue and to fight for your position without fighting physically. Hate is teachable and love is too.
Correcting bad behavior suggestions
Modeling good behavior is probably the most important suggestion for long-term benefits. When you stoop to the lowest level to correct a bad behavior with another bad behavior you will eventually find that you have lost the cause. You need not scream at a child or adult to change behavior. Being calm and telling them that their behavior is unacceptable to you is best. Explain in terms that they can understand. Put them in “time out” for a brief period as is appropriate for age.
“Three strikes and you are out”
When the child misbehaves, tell them “no, do not do that”. Of course it happens again. This time say “no, do not do that. That bothers me or you could get hurt or whatever is the reason for saying no.” Tell them that is the second time you have said no and if there is a third time that they will be going to “time out”. When the third infraction comes, calmly tell them that is the third time and time out is now. Put them in their crib for two minutes, or their room for three minutes or ground them for a week or take the car keys away for the night. Time out is not just for infants, it is also for teenagers! Following through is critical.
Re-directing can be your first technique to use, however, there are times when re-directing may be ineffective or inappropriate. In which case, you may need to give your child a time out.
Corporal punishment
Although we all are aware of hitting a child to try to correct bad behavior is common, we continue to not recommend it.
Please check the section on Discipline in Recommended Books on our website for additional help
Daily routine
Most children benefit greatly from a consistent schedule for their day. Pay attention to your child’s schedule that works well and repeat that. If your child takes three naps per day and is in a good mood until bedtime, that is a good day. Repeat that. Try to be home for naps and bedtime. This is tricky when they are only up for one hour but most days you can do this. When you miss naps or they nap briefly in the car or in a stroller they may let you know by being crabby or having disturbed sleep at night. Some babies are so rigid in personality that they will be off in terms of their personality for two days after missing just a single nap. Others will be flexible and not mind what seems like constant interruptions in their sleep times. Generally, when they sleep well during the day they also will sleep better during the night. Some parents will try to get their youngster to sleep better at night by not letting them sleep in the day. This usually backfires badly. So, pay attention to the nap routine. This is especially true for vacations.
Language used by parents
Beginning at around nine months children begin to understand and around a year they may repeat those words. Receptive language begins before expressive language.
Be consistent with the words that you say and the body language you use. Winking and smiling when you are trying to discipline your child is counterproductive. Change the look on your face and the way you stand or sit to match the words coming out of your mouth. Even when they are being funny it is important to remain straight-faced when disciplining our child. The term "congruency" describe the consistency used between the words used with the body language used at the same time.
Have mom’s and dad’s and babysitter’s and grandparents’ use of words and body language be consistent for all is also important.
Modeling
The way you model behavior is very important. “What you see is what you get”. How you treat the meter lady who is writing you a ticket when you were late to pay the meter they see too. If it is okay for you to be disrespectful, it will be just fine for them too. NOT! When they see you later, as an older child, volunteering for the soup kitchen or organizations that help others, they see that too and are more likely to do the same as an adult. Be part of solving the problem by modeling good behavior yourself. You can model how to disagree without being disagreeable. You can model being respectful of other’s thoughts and behaviors even if you disagree. You can model how to argue and to fight for your position without fighting physically. Hate is teachable and love is too.
Correcting bad behavior suggestions
Modeling good behavior is probably the most important suggestion for long-term benefits. When you stoop to the lowest level to correct a bad behavior with another bad behavior you will eventually find that you have lost the cause. You need not scream at a child or adult to change behavior. Being calm and telling them that their behavior is unacceptable to you is best. Explain in terms that they can understand. Put them in “time out” for a brief period as is appropriate for age.
“Three strikes and you are out”
When the child misbehaves, tell them “no, do not do that”. Of course it happens again. This time say “no, do not do that. That bothers me or you could get hurt or whatever is the reason for saying no.” Tell them that is the second time you have said no and if there is a third time that they will be going to “time out”. When the third infraction comes, calmly tell them that is the third time and time out is now. Put them in their crib for two minutes, or their room for three minutes or ground them for a week or take the car keys away for the night. Time out is not just for infants, it is also for teenagers! Following through is critical.
Re-directing can be your first technique to use, however, there are times when re-directing may be ineffective or inappropriate. In which case, you may need to give your child a time out.
Corporal punishment
Although we all are aware of hitting a child to try to correct bad behavior is common, we continue to not recommend it.
Please check the section on Discipline in Recommended Books on our website for additional help